Dear Survivors,
There are so many things we need to remember in order to move forward and heal. The first and most important to remember is never blame yourself. You did not make any decision that led to someone violating you or your body. The blame is completely with the offender. There is no one who deserves this happening to them no matter what the circumstances were or what you did at the time. The next is that it is okay to be angry. Anger is a natural response and it is understandable to be angry. You cannot change your current response or how you responded in the moment. Being sexually traumatized is a life-changing event. Surrounding yourself with people who support you and removing those who are negative are important to your healing. Do not feel guilty for shutting out negative influences, even if they are family members.
I personally used this experience as a way to make positive changes in my life. You do not owe anyone any explanations. It is a great time to do things you always wanted to do and to stop doing things that are not good for you. It is okay whether you decide to file or not to file. You are completely in charge of these decisions. However, make sure you fully understand the pros and cons. If you do decide to move forward with reporting and filing charges, you must understand that the results in no way change what was done to you. A guilty verdict will not erase the damage that was done, and a not guilty verdict does not mean you were lying. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Everything and everyone else is secondary. This includes children and others you care for. You cannot take care of everyone until you can care for yourself. Find someone to talk to. There is no shame in going to see a therapist, calling a hotline, or reaching out. This is the beginning of healing. If you are here reading this letter, you have already taken that step and we are proud of you. Everyone is at a different point in the healing process, so you should not compare yourself to where others are in the process. Your experience belongs to you and you are the one in charge of how and when you move forward. There are people out there who care. You are not alone in this.
Sincerely,
Kylisha Boyd